Monday, November 24, 2014

Meaning of Stupidity

One day a truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health).

When he wanted to drive back after delivering the load, he found that one of his tyres had gone flat. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One of the patients from the hospital happened to walk past and asked the driver what had happened. 

The driver thought for a moment and told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."

Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it on to this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that" The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"

Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

A lesson on observation

The first-year students at Veterinary Medical College were attending their first Anatomy class, with a real dead pig.  

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body of the pig covered with a White sheet. 
The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor:
The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, inserted his finger into the pig’s anus, withdrew it and put it into his mouth. 
Now he told the students, 'Go ahead and do the same thing.'

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns putting their finger into the anus of the dead pig and tasting it in their mouth.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is observation.

"I touched the pig with my middle Finger but tasted my index finger. Now learn to pay attention !!? "
Moral : Life is tough, but it’s a lot tougher when you are stupid.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Knowledge is Power

Two Managers who were friends decided to go mountaineering. 

One became a Manager by virtue of his experience and learning while the other had designed his life to be a Manager by doing his Post graduation in Business administration (MBA) from a reputed B-School. 

All through out the trip the Sophisticated Manager (MBA) kept asking a lot of questions on business, Data analysis, Planning, Finance, Economics etc to the Practical Manager. 

When the Practical Manager expressed his ignorance, the Sophisticated Manager used to feel so proud and happy about his smartness. He kept emphasizing on the important role that education plays in sculpting ones career or even the future.

Like this they kept climbing all day and finally reached a flat surface by late evening. They decided to rest there for the night. They set up their tent, have their drinks, eat and fall asleep.

Some hours later, the Practical Manager wakes his Sophisticated MBA friend. 

Furnished is the conversation between the two Managers -

Practical Manager                    : Look up at the sky and tell me what you see.

Sophisticated Manager MBA  : I see millions of stars.

Practical Manager                    : What does that tell you?

The Sophisticated Manager MBA pondered for a minute. He felt Happy and was extremely satisfied that his friend now considered him as a repertoire of worldly knowledge had accepted his supremacy. He turned towards his poor friend and began; 

Sophisticated Manager MBA :-

Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The Practical Manager was more amused than amazed. He went silent for a moment and then spoke.

Practical Manager :- "I was thinking about who has stolen our tent".

Moral: "Practical Management is all about 100 % COMMON SENSE "


A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. 

He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. 

But the cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. 

He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.
At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.
An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
Frustrated the man said," Send that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!

Moral: Do not become too emotional when taking decisions

Deaf Wife

A man suspected that his wife had lost her hearing and that she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure on how to approach her to discuss her problem, he browsed the internet to find a solution.

He read about a simple informal test that he could perform to understand if she was suffering a hearing loss.

This is what it said, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If  not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he washing the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife  and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife  and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her.  "Honey, what's for dinner?"

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:  The problem may not be with the other as we always think.... It could be very much within us..!

Up selling - Need Creation

A keen immigrant Indian lad applied for a salesman's job at London's premier downtown Department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes sir, I was a salesman in India", replied the lad.  
The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you."
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?" 
"Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman. 
"Only one sale?" blurted the boss. "No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. "If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. 

By the way "How much was the sale worth?"  

“300534.00 pounds" said the young salesman. 

"What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook.  Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines.  Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer. I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about 100 Pounds worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"

"No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a box of Sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Sir, Your weekend is screwed anyway, you might as well go fishing."